Okay....I'm feeling a little depressed. I thought this was going to be easier. I lost virtually all my weight on the liquid diet 10 days before surgery and have been up and down since then. I thought that this last fill (jan 10th) was the answer. While I feel restriction when I eat what I should be eating. Most of the time i'm ignoring what my body tells me and doing a lot of emotional eating. Today I had two bowls of ice cream. I know I shouldn't have ice cream in the house. But I keep thinking I can eat like a normal person and not over do it. NOT! I'm a food adddict. Full isn't enought for me. I have to eat too the point I'm sick. I'm too lazy to get to the bottom of why I do this. I need to buck up and get my life together. Here I am 37 years old. Alone. I need to grow up and quit acting like a baby.
I haven't done anything this weekend but sleep, read and watch TV. So, is this okay? Why do I feel so guitly when I do this. I guess it's because I have a lot of things I should be doing like working out, catching up work stuff, working on my second job stuff, and cleaning house. I feel guiltier when I go back to work and my co-worker ask me what I did all weekend. They all have kids and don't havethe free time I have. It also makes me feel like I'm sitting in this house and letting time pass me by. On the other hand, it's 8 degrees outside. I don't feel like going out of the house. I deserve down time. Being fat all my life, I guess I'm afraid of being labeled lazy. Even if I'm the one doing the labeling.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
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1 comment:
Hang in there - you are not failing!! This is totally normal. We have a lifetime of habits and a couple of hours in an OR isn't going to magically change our programming.
I'm three months out and have lost 25 lbs. I thought it would be easier and faster as well. The cold, hard reality is that we are always going to have to be awake and aware of our eating, making plans and lists and choices.
Even though everyone tells you "they operate on your stomach, not on your brain", it still doesn't seem fair that we have to deal with that four-letter-word, DIET.
To make it easier on yourself (and give you something you can feel good about accomplishing), clean out your environment. Toss the ice cream. Package up bread, cookies, any sort of trigger foods and give them to someone or just dump them in the garbage (and then put the garbage out on the curb (LOL!).
It is easier to fight with yourself about cravings if you would have to go to the hassle of getting in the car and driving to the store, or drive-thru or whatever in order to satisfy them.
Keep plenty of tea (there are some excellent yummy ones) and Crystal light on hand. Sometimes when cravings hit, we interpret it as a food-want, when our bodies want liquid.
Have a great day, and make sure to take your vitamins!
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