Went for the psych eval yesterday. The therapist is going to give me the clearance for surgery. I talked with the therapist and gave him my history. Then I took an IQ test, vocabulary test, and then a 165 true-false questionairee about dieting/emotional eating. He looked over the results and then talked about whether I would be a good surgerical candidate. He though I was the kind of person that likes to follow the rules. Meaning I would go by doctor's orders and stick to the pre & post op diet. We also talked about the reason that I overeat and those isssues that I'll have to deal with once i don't have food to self-medicate. I am an emotional eater......it started at age 8 when my dad was killed in car accident. I eat when I'm lonely, bored, restless, need companionship. Anyway, I said I'd get ahold of him when I decide to start therapy. Honestly, I know I need to deal with these things once and for all. I think I'll wait till my deductible is used up. I need to use about 400 more dollars which won't take long with all this pre-op appts. My dietician appt is on September 20th. I'm calling to try to get it sooner. I also have to get my medical history and clearance from my PCP. I have a feeling my doctor will want to see me. I'll try to get a post in here soon with some background in it. So, you can get to know me better. Assuming, someone will ever want to read this.

I picked this background because I thought it was pretty and neat. But the more I look at it, it represents my life. An out of control mess. My thoughts are a whirlwind. I feel like I'm out of control.

Anyway, I had the doctor's appt yesterday. The doctor was rushed but he did answer all my questions. The only snaffu is I may need clearance from a pulmonologist before surgery because of my blood clot. He didn't know for sure. Since it's a short surgery amd your encouraged to get up and walk right away, it may not be a problem. I also can not get into the nutrituonist till 9/20. Seems like forever. Plus it puts my approval close to my vacation mid October so I wouldn't be surprised if it's November till my surgery.

Well, I never heard from the doctor's office. so I called and got an appointment. August 27th. Sounds like a long time. At the appointment, the doctor will take my medical history, examine me, and make sure there is no reason that I couldn't have the surgery. I haven't told many people that I'm considering it. Just my mom so far. And a couple people at work.

I have so many mixed feelings. This is like surrendering. Giving up. I hate to ask for help. But I need help! The member had lots of words of wisdom for me. Here's an example:

Kristi posted: I've always thought with willpower and strength I could do this on my own. I'm not one to ask for help with anything. In a way, I feel like surgery is giving up. Even though I know it isn't the easy way out.

Jessie's response: With willpower and strength you could dig a hole with your bare hands, but if you use a shovel does anybody say: oh, she's taking the easy way out. You are going to have to use willpower and strength to lose weight, you are just going to have a tool to help you.

I didn't think I'd ever consider weight loss surgery but I feel desperate. I've reached the point of no return. I'm the highest weight I've ever been jumping between 235-240. I love to exercise but I just feel like a lump. I sleep so much now. I'm always thinking about when I either eat or nap next. My house is a mess. When I do find the energy or time to exercise, I hurt the next day. No, not the good hurt......the bad "I don't want to put my heels on the floor because it's going to hurt like hell". My leg swell and hurt since I had a blood clot last year.

So, what do I do......I attended a informational meeting tonight for lap band surgery. I learned my insurance is one of the easier ones to get approval. I've been research on the internet so I know quite a bit about the surgery. I also joined a very active Yahoo support group for lap band. Very informative. The next step is making a appointment and filling out the mound of paperwork required.